Are You in a Toxic Relationship…
With Your Business?
Let’s be honest for a second.
If your business were a person, would you still be dating them?
Or would your friends be staging an intervention, sitting you down in a circle with cheap wine and serious faces, telling you that this relationship "just isn't good for you"?
Think about it. You started this thing with stars in your eyes. You were in love. You had big dreams of freedom, impact, and maybe working from a beach in Tulum (or at least your couch without wearing real pants). This wasn't just a job; it was a calling. A soul-aligned partnership.
But lately? Lately, things have gotten weird.
Your business has become… needy. It wakes you up at 3 AM with panic attacks about quarterly taxes. It demands your attention every single weekend. It gets jealous when you try to hang out with your actual friends or, heaven forbid, read a book that isn't about marketing funnels. You find yourself checking Slack during a romantic dinner, responding to client emails from the bathroom because you can’t bear a notification going unanswered for twelve minutes.
If that sounds like you, then you might be in a codependent relationship with your own creation.
And look, I get it. In the wellness world, we are taught to pour everything into our work. We hold space. We facilitate healing. We give and give until we are essentially dry husks of humans surviving on matcha and anxiety. But here is the hard truth: a business that requires you to burn out to sustain it is not a sustainable business. It’s a vampire with an LLC.
This month, with Valentine’s Day threatening to cover the world in red foil and performative romance, let’s take a look at the most significant relationship in your life right now: the one between you and your work. It’s time to redefine "growth." It’s time to stop measuring success by how much you suffer. And it’s time to see if we can save this relationship before you start posting cryptic quotes on Instagram and cutting your own bangs at 2 a.m.
The Love Language of Delegation
We need to talk about the "Acts of Service" love language, because your business is currently terrible at it.
Right now, you're doing everything. You are the CEO, the accountant, the copywriter, the tech support, and the service provider for your clients. You are wearing so many hats that your neck is starting to hurt.
And somewhere along the way, you internalized a very strange story. You convinced yourself that doing everything yourself is a badge of honor, that suffering through the admin work proves how dedicated you are. "If I don't build the landing page myself," you think, "does it even count?"
(Spoiler alert: Yes. It counts more, because it will probably actually work.)
Delegation is often viewed as a failure in the wellness space. There’s this lingering guilt, like you’re abandoning your baby if you let someone else change its diaper. But let’s reframe this. Handing off tasks isn't abandonment. It is the ultimate act of love for your business, and for yourself.
Imagine a relationship where your partner says, "Hey, I know you hate doing the dishes and you’re really bad at it, so I hired someone to do them forever. Also, go take a nap." That is true romance. That is the energy we want to bring into your operations.
Quality Time vs. Acts of Service
Think about your Zone of Genius. This is the "Quality Time" you spend with your business. It’s the time you spend actually coaching, teaching, writing, or creating the transformation you are known for. This is the spark. This is why you fell in love in the first place.
Now think about the other stuff. The "Acts of Service."
Wrestling with your email marketing platform (which seems to have a personal vendetta against you).
Formatting blog posts so the headers don't look like a ransom note.
Scheduling social media posts for an algorithm that changes its mind every time there's a full moon.
Figuring out why your Zapier integration stopped zapping.
When you refuse to delegate these tasks, you are insisting on being the martyr. Hiring a Virtual Assistant, specifically one who understands that "launching" isn't just about revenue but about energetic capacity, is how you introduce a healthy third party into this dynamic.
When you hand off the technical setup of your new course, you're buying back your own sanity. You're creating space to actually be the visionary. You are allowing your business to run smoothly without your hands constantly turning every single crank. A healthy relationship allows you to rest without the whole world falling apart. If your business collapses because you took a Tuesday off, that’s not a business; that’s a hostage situation.
Setting Healthy Boundaries (With Clients and Yourself)
If delegation is the love language, boundaries are the pre-nup. They are the unsexy but absolutely necessary agreements that keep everyone safe and sane.
In the early days of a business relationship – the "honeymoon phase," if you will – we tend to have zero boundaries. We are just so happy anyone wants to pay us.
"Sure, text me on Sunday night! I love getting texts!"
"Scope creep? Bring it on! I'll redesign your whole life for the price of a 60-minute session."
"Oh, you need that refund even though you used the entire course? No problem, I don't need to eat this week!"
It’s cute at first. It feels generous. But fast forward two years, and you are resentful, exhausted, and flinching every time your phone buzzes. A toxic relationship is characterized by a lack of boundaries. It’s where your needs disappear because you are too busy managing the emotions and demands of the other person (or in this case, the entity that is your company).
Structure Is Not a Wall; It’s a Container
In wellness, we talk a lot about "holding space." You know you can't hold space for a client if the container is leaky. The same applies to your business operations. Creating policies and systems isn't about being cold or corporate. It’s not about building walls to keep people out. It’s about creating a sturdy container where healthy, respectful connection can happen.
Here is what healthy boundaries look like in a business partnership:
The "Velvet Rope" Inbox Policy: You do not need to be available 24/7. In fact, being available 24/7 teaches your clients that your time has no value. Set specific office hours for checking email. Put up an autoresponder that says, "I check email twice a day because I am busy creating magic (and also eating lunch). If this is an emergency, please call 911. If it's about a font choice, wait until tomorrow." This trains people to respect your time, and usually makes them respect you more.
The "Scope Creep" Stop Sign: We’ve all had that client. The one who signs up for a single session and somehow ends up emailing you daily questions about their entire life strategy. In a toxic relationship, you answer them because you’re afraid they won’t like you if you don't. In a healthy business, you have a template. You gently but firmly say, "I love that question! That would be perfect to dig into during our next paid session. Here is the link to book it."
The "Sunday Scaries" Rule: Your business does not get to go to brunch with you. It does not get to go on hikes. It does not get to be in your bed. Physically separating yourself from your work is crucial. Turn off notifications. Delete the apps from your phone on weekends. If you are constantly tethered to your business, you eventually lose the ability to see it clearly. You get "snow blindness" from staring at the white screen too long.
The hardest boundaries aren't usually with clients; they're with ourselves. We are the ones who open the laptop at 10 PM "just to check one thing." You have to be the one to say, "Okay, sweetheart, I know you want to rewrite the sales page for the fifth time, but we are closing the computer now and watching trash TV." A healthy business respects your need for sleep and food. If you are bullying yourself in the name of the "hustle," you are the toxic partner. Yikes.
Falling Back in Love With Your 'Why'
Do you remember the beginning? That moment you first realized, "Oh, I can actually help people with this"? The first time a client cried happy tears and told you that you changed their life? That spark is still there. It’s just buried under a mountain of invoices, algorithm changes, and the crushing weight of "shoulds."
When we are in a toxic relationship with our business, we forget the 'why'. We get so bogged down in the mechanics of running the business that we stop doing the work. We become professional email answerers who occasionally dabble in transformation. The romance is gone and your relationship has been reduced to tense coexistence and arguments about money.
The Rekindling Process
So, how do we bring the spark back? How do we seduce our own business again? It starts by stripping away the noise.
1. Date Your Creativity:
Schedule time in your calendar that is strictly for creative play. Not "content creation for Instagram strategy." Just... creation. Write something that has no SEO keywords in it. Read a book that has nothing to do with your niche. Go to a museum. Your business needs you to be inspired, not just productive. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you certainly cannot launch a soul-centered course from a dried-up well.
2. Remember the Humans:
When you’re staring at spreadsheets, it’s easy to see your audience as data points. "Conversion rates." "Click-throughs." Go back and read your testimonials. Seriously. Create a "Smile File" on your desktop and fill it with screenshots of nice things people have said about you. Read the DMs from people who said your last post made them feel seen. Remind yourself that there are actual, breathing human beings on the other side of the screen who need exactly what you have.
3. Stop "Shoulding" All Over Yourself:
Nothing kills the mood faster than obligation. "I should be on TikTok." "I should launch a podcast." Who says? Who is this invisible council of elders dictating your marketing strategy? Part of falling back in love is accepting your business for what it is, not what Instagram says it should be. Maybe your business is a quiet, boutique practice that sends one beautiful email a month. That’s okay. Maybe you hate video and love writing. Great. Do that. Authenticity is magnetic. Desperation and performative hustle are repellents.
4. Outsource the "Ick":
We circle back to delegation here because it’s critical. If there is a specific task that makes you physically recoil – like your body goes into fight-or-flight mode when you think about updating your website plugins – that's a sign. That's a blockage in the relationship. Hand it to someone who actually likes doing it (they exist, believe it or not). When you remove the daily irritants, you suddenly have patience for the bigger picture. It’s hard to be a visionary when you’re irritated about a broken hyperlink.
Conclusion: A Partnership, Not a Prison
Let’s aim for a relationship status update this month. Let’s move from "It’s Complicated" to "In a Civil Union based on mutual respect and clearly defined boundaries."
A healthy business is a partnership. It's a living, breathing entity that you co-create with. It should support your life, not consume it. It should fund your dreams, not haunt your nightmares.
It's okay to demand more from your business. It's okay to say, "I need you to work for me, not the other way around."
This means building systems that run when you’re sleeping. It means hiring support so you aren't the bottleneck. It means saying no to the money that costs too much peace. It means remembering that you are a whole person outside of your logo.
Redefining growth on your own terms isn't about hitting a specific revenue number by Q3. It’s about building a structure that can hold your brilliance without crushing your spirit.
You fell in love with this work for a reason. The magic is still there. It’s just waiting for you to stop trying to control every micro-movement, step back, take a breath, and let the relationship evolve into something sustainable. So, this Valentine’s Day, buy yourself some flowers. Then, buy your business a Virtual Assistant. And then, close your laptop and go remember who you are when you aren't trying to save the world.
Your business will be there when you get back.
Ready to create a healthier relationship with your business? Start by identifying one task you can delegate this week, and take a step toward building a business that supports your life (not consumes it). Schedule a call if you want to get some relationship counseling for you and your business.
P.S. If your business is texting you at 3 AM, it’s time to set some boundaries. Let’s turn this toxic relationship into a healthy partnership (no interventions required). 🩵
